Never Thought

As this year is wrapping up I've come to realize so many of my views have changed. I know that's part of the college contract. I wish i paid more attention, I didn't know my heart would be thrown into this life changing experience. In a few years girls look back at their HS and first years of college and laugh at the boys they worried over. I however never thought I'd be one of the girls stressing over a boy now. Im not complaining he doesn't call, or talk about his feelings. Im instead complaingin he does that too much...

Now before you look at me like im a brat, let me give you an inside look at my problem. When school first started I met him in my friends apartment and he asked me to hang out that afternoon. I watched him play flag football and he even let me wear his sweater because i was cold, and all that good lovely crap. That's him, never afraid of showing his emotions. Me on the other hand, it takes more like pulling teeth to get something of that caliber out of me. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend only weeks after meeting him, taken back is to say the least of how I felt. Naturally to me, I brushed it off and tried to pretend it never happened and I would address it when I was ready. That was Early November. December before our break, after spending almost everyday with him, I decided in my heart and mind I was ready to bring back up the whole "dating" thing. I just happen to stroll on his facebook to discover he recently gained a girlfriend. YES, a girlfriend who let me enforce, was not me. Now, because Im not afraid of confrontation when im not the one in the wrong, i pressed him that night.  Long story short hes made the easy decision, not the one he wanted, but the easy one. What ever the fuck that means. My problem, I still like him.
Question is: how do you talk to a guy with a girlfirend without being the other woman. And when did I turn into the girl that would even consider that?

Proud

Tonights my last night in Schuylkill Haven, before i get to go back home to New York. While packing my suitcase ever so happily im a little frustrated. One because I cant wait any longer to get the hell outta this town and two because a part of me feels like im running away.
Since starting college, i've met a bunch of great people, done better in school than i have in my whole life, had some fun nights that turned into mornings, but i've also done some things I rather put in a box and throw in the ocean. Unfortunaly even if I could, day after day I would remember what i've done and am still doing. I heard in college your perspective about somethings may change, did that include morals? Maybe next year I'll look back at this post and laugh but what if i don't. I'm currently designing a tattoo including the Forget-Me-Not flower. I want to be remembered while i live and after i pass. But sometimes i wonder what am i going to be remembered for. Are my nieces and children gonna hear how hard I worked in school and how great my job was, or are they going to hear shameful whispers of my "behind closed door activities" ? Today I've been wondering, if a camera followed me everyday and played at my funeral, would i be more ashamed or proud? Im not sure what or how I'm gonna ensure I'm proud, but i know its by doing something greater than this.

Xbox and Heels

I confess. Im a hardcore tomboy...that loves heels and make up.
My new tv came today yay ! So after fumbling around with the cords in the back I set up my tv to my new xbox all by self :) Yes I want cookie points. I will not be leaving my dorm room for a few days expect to go to class.  Black Friday I bought my xbox and four games. See the pretty pics?

Thanksgiving and back to school

If your haitian you know what this is  

 

Thanksgivin was AMAZING !  I finally made macaroni au grantin by myself aka haitian macaroni and the lasguana by myself.  Haitians finally claim me :)  Turns out i've become a better cook. 
So im back at Penn State and got two weeks left than finals week.  I don't wanna speak too soon but looks like im coming out my first semester of college really good. Just found out Im defiantly getting at least an A- in psychology. I got two quizzes to bring it up to an A so cross your fingers for me. Its supposed to start snowing here next week.  I miss New York already, its so polluted the snow melts real quick.
*sigh* I guess snow is the price of fresh air. Hope we get snowed in cuz i got an Xbox now yay :)

F*** Hott Chicks!

WATCH THIS
http://www.youtube.com/user/Andywarski#p/u/0/-qnlaam74H8

Its like i dont know what i did with my hands before texting.

Its better than my old bad habit of chewing on straws.

i thank God my teeth didnt get fucked up from that.

Guys probablly hate me though. I gotta blackberry and im addicted to Brickbreaker. Literally mid conversation i'll start playing, apologize for playing and still keep playing. haha! im a jerk i know. Love me anyway :)

Thanksgiving

So i finally got time to get on here.
I know i neglet this and im sorry.
College hates blogging.
so im home for thanksgiving :D & my dads been teaching me all his secret recipes got me feelin all special.
thanksgiving this year is defiantly different though. Normally my mom dominates the kitchen sending us back and forth to the store or assigning us different dishes to make. I normally make the chicken or lasagna. Over the last month though, mom dukes went blind :*( .  Like no vision, had a surgery and everything where they cut open her eye to prevent any further pain and damage but yea. Sucks but shes a trooper so shes good money. 
Both my sisters and I have taken over cooking, which is nice cuz we never really bond. This whole senario just really makes me appreciate my eye site and my health.
And lately I've realized how much I really love cooking !
Stay tunes for my fatass updates on food.

Im back...payin yall back by bein soft

Its been a LONG time and i apologize. Gettin used to college life was gettin to me.

Anyway the boy i like and stayed with during Penn States Home coming weekend asked to read one of my poems. Not tryna scare him away with one of my angry ones, so heres a lil peek at how soft i can be lol. Tell me what you think..

I am not afraid of falling in love
I’m afraid of giving up my heart
Being vulnerable
And unprotected from attack
I’m afraid of trusting someone
Who is playing me for a fool
I’m afraid of being broken
My heart ripped to pieces
By someone who claimed to love me
And was supposed to shield me from the world
In the end
No matter how tough
Or emotion proof
I may appear to be
I’m still just a girl
Who wants to be held
And kissed on the forehead
And told not to be scared
And that everything will be okay
And I don’t have to defend my heart
Because I found someone
Who would die before they hurt me
We wont tear it apart
My heart will be cherished
And my soul will be loved

College

Been busy as hell.
kinda hung over.
just got outta english. gonna take a nap before math.
DAMN i love college :)

Remembering the Fun Stuff

Seriously though, I need to finish packing today.
Two of my books i ordered from Amazon.com have been shipped, yay! This morning I wanted to look up movies cuz imma need something to keep me sane in country town, and came across one of my favorite movies. The Bourne Movies. Imma order a bunch a movies from Amazon and probably get a NetFlix account, as I wait patiently for my brother to fix his Wii so I could have it :)

Gonna build a cliff and jump off

Packing is making me think crazy things.
Sorry i havent been writting, i've been in Delaware with my best friends and loves.
I helped my friend set up her dorm room at Del State and now im crazy excited to set up my apt !!!
Last Wednesday i finally went to my own school; Penn State got my ID card and set up my classes. im taking Psychology, Biology, Math, Music *intro to western cuz there was nothing left, English_ composition, and CSA which is like orientation for 5 weeks.

My campus is BEAUTIFUL, but unlike most places in New York they use real grass which means i gotta pick up some Claritian and Benadryl. Talking about buyin stuff i FINALLY got my Green ipod Nano at Best Buy on 14th street where i was Fall Out Boys Pete Wetnz gettin a pink shuffle -_-

I wish common sense told me to get a pic with him for you guys, next time. But heres a pic of me and my peoples @ Ocean City_ lol like my pyramid? (im on top, not lookin @ the cam lol)

Hope yall are having an easier time packing and getting ready for school than I am.
& Good luck with this upcoming school year, lets not do the same crap we regret from previous years lol.

Lost my Dorney Park Virginity

....and YES it was as good as it was hyped up to be :D
That was sunday


Today i went to the mall by myself. One because I needed a nice blue shirt for church and because it was too damn hot to stay in the house. Shopping by myself ive learned
1. Stores always have my size when im alone
2. Some songs on my phone actually make me wanna buy more
3. i HATE when people text or call me while im shopping its distracting.
4. I save money because I comparison shop more since no one is rushing me.
5. I wish I had a boyfriend that would buy shit for me j/k lol


On a regular though I prefer shopping with my sister Liz :) Not only because most times she pays, but because she knows me and tells me honestly if im gonna wear something or if it'll look nice on me.


Next monday im finally going to Bed Bath & Beyond, Target and BJs for my dorm stuff . YAY !!!!


Im singing at my first concert in years tomorrow night. wish me luck :)

In need of a caffeine rush

Its my last day of work. yay!!!! For some reason im dressed and ready earlier today than i ever have been. Just waiting til 8 so i can go to Dunkin Doughuts and get my caramel lattee with milk, cream and 3 sugars. yum :D


Tomorrow morning im goin to Penn State so me and my friend gotta leave from in front of my house at like 5am. Im gonna have to go to sleep as soon as I get home from doing my hair today and when i wake up at like 1 or 2 am just stay up. Anyway my laptop is dying and i dont feeel like charging right now ... lazy i know smh.

Gettin All Soft

Since graduating from Barton I can honestly say i dont miss it. Sure i miss seeing my friends everyday, but thats what facebook and BBM are for, when we miss each other we hit each other up and hang out, done. No scanning, no teachers, no foolishness Barton pretends to teach us.


This summer i know yall on twitter seen me bitchin about my job and countin down minutes til lunch. I been workin at the Municipal building for DCAS. Well the bitching ends now, tomorrows my last day *bbm dance*
I been looking forward to this for weeks, because i want to enjoy the rest of my summer. Now that the day is finally here (tomorrow) im starting to feel a type of way. Although being the youngest person working on my floor ive become really close friends with the people. Im gonna miss the older guys flirting with me, espeically the spanish guy that always winks at me and gives me them Lordana cookies lol. I was scared to eat em at first because i thought he was tryna work rape me but all is well, i let my sister try the cookies first, he aint put nothin in em :D . Honestly Im mostly gonna miss that source of income :( lol 


I AM in excited though now i can finally stay out late and not have to run to Dunkin Doughnuts and grab a medium caramel lattee or a watermelon Coolata :D just so I could stay awake while I work my 9-5 shift. Next week i plan on FINALLY going  to pinkberry cuz i hear its great and i never been and I gotta catch up on my movies dates. 


sidebar: watching the news again last night.. yea the news.. and they said this is the HOTTEST JULY ever. smh. I told you Global Warming was real lol. Stay cool :D
& 

Thought of the day: I dont wanna wait a few years to learn this lesson, i wanna wake up tomorrow and know why and how to never let it happen again.

One of them body throbbing days

You ever wake up and while brushing your teeth and thinking to yourself you already KNOW Its gonna be a LONG day... Today was one of those days. Recovering from a successful almost 3 hour shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond with Marla, Rolande and her cousin Vanessa. Marla and Rolande both coming to Penn State with me got a ton of pretttty stuff. Marla ive discovered is addicted to pink -_- Just like my sister, the one I like ( I have two)


It started to POUR rain on 14th street where me and my tiny umbrella ran across the street to the train station so I could head to choir rehearsal for 3 o'clock. My choir that i recently joined named God Sent, my sister Liz (the one I like) has been in for 10yrs. If you Youtube James Hall hes a great choir director and in two weeks were singing with him and his choir at a concert.


At 4 o'clock i finally made it to rehearsal lol. An hour late I showed up half way through the second song we were learning. After rehearsal I had to run home to change for a funeral for my homeboy's mom. Generally I dont cry if I didnt know the person directly, it just hits me like YO! Tomorrow isnt promised, and dont put off til tomorrow what you can do today and thank God for everyday.


Back to today....


Today was my last Monday at my last week at work. Its bitter sweet because i really like the people i work with, they give a family vibe that i dont even feel at home.  But more so because thats my only source of income, besides my sister that takes care of me :D


At 5 i clocked out of work and practially ran down the hall so I could get out of there and met my sister to go to Wingate to see Chrisette Michelle in concert After horrible wait on line and the HS/jail like scanning I was able to get inside. What blows my mind is you'll never see people wait on line to get to school or church like I see people on line 2hrs early for a concert. At least I havent, if you have let ME know, take a picture and i promise to put it in the next days blog xD


CM sounded amazing, i wish I could of been sitting right near the band and just vibe out. Anyway. my body is sore, im hungry and tired.


Question: Whats you guys favorite Chrisette Michelle song? I honestly cant even pick, shes dope !

Packing Before the Splurge

So... after weeks of procrastinating i woke up at 5am this morning with the sudden desire to pack my winter clothes. My fan in my room has a thermometer and says my room is 93 degrees but if i didnt do it now i never would. i managed to fit my WHOLE winter and fall wardrobe into 3 medium sizes space saver bags ! i swear by these things.  Normally i think the things they sell on tv are stupid like that snuggie shit xD i been wearing my sheets like that for YEARS. i mean come on?

I think now that I started packing my parents will realize im actually leaving and their not holding me back like they try to do most everything else. Why would i stay in NY when your not paying my tuition anyway? But thats just my opinion.

Needing an excuse to shop Im taking my friends who are coming to Penn State with me Rolande (http://thebrokecollegegirl.wordpress.com) and Marla to go buy their own space savers. I went to Target last week and i felt like I was 8. When i say i got GOT by them colors i got GOT. I told my sis "OMG!!! Its pretty I want it! What is it? .... shower hooks -_- ... they were PRETTY i am not ashamed lol

Anyway. Stay cool, eat ice cream. Ha! Why last night i seen on tv they have ice cream trucks for dogs now... All jokes aside, can someone take their dog and tell me how much that is, I bet its cheaper than our ice cream trucks now. Remember when ice cream was a $1 and free on your birthday if the ice cream truck guy knew you  lol ahh recession your killing me.

One more thing for the night

I know even as an 18yr old i need pictures to draw me in. So although the first blog had some pictures i must confess i drowned my sisters old camera in apple juice in my bag -_- PLEASE dont ask. It cost me a whole check to replace it but i got her this cute purple one. Honestlysometimes im scared to touch it because i tend to have tips and i dont wanna damage the screen since its a touch screen, but other than that its cool and pretty :D i might get this for myself since im leaving for college in a few weeks. If they have it in TEAL (my favorite color) im getting it.

Off the Top of my Head

Growing up i always thought my life was life was like a video game or movie other people could watch. Every move i made lead me closer to beating the game, but if i lost every one of my fans (or those who wanted me to fail) would witness it.

Tristan Wilds has the most beautiful smile

Flex gettin sexier the older he get

I never really know how to introduce myself other than my names Cassandre (Ka-Sond) by authentic Haitians or (Ka-Sondra) by my friends, family and ever other American. I live in Brooklyn and im 18 as of April 5th (the weekend i met Tristian Wilds and Flex Alexander *yay*) and im on my way to college in a few weeks #PennState baby !!

Sounds simple enough. With time you realize Im not that simple. Now if pour out my heart and soul into this and let the world know what really goes on in my mind and life it might just change your whole "simple" perception of me. But thats another story for another day.

Not quiet sure what direction im gonna take this blog BUT imma drop a poem i wrote back on my myspace days. Remember that? When people ran home from school to look to see if they got new friend request or photo comments lol. Facebook took over, but most of us *points to self and does a lil dance* have blackberries or .....iphones or androids ehh. lol but to each his own.

Anywho here it goes...

Off the Top of my head

Wonder if it'll rhyme

Wonder if it'll have a sense of time

In the end I’ll delete it anyway

Once i realize its just to personal

The tiniest opening into my mind

Which eventually equals to the opening of my heart

Obviously its a really tiny opening

Sometimes better left shut

Beyond closed doors things happen

But beyond closed eyes miracles begin

Beyond my eyes is the opening to my mind

Are You Ready?