Proud

Tonights my last night in Schuylkill Haven, before i get to go back home to New York. While packing my suitcase ever so happily im a little frustrated. One because I cant wait any longer to get the hell outta this town and two because a part of me feels like im running away.
Since starting college, i've met a bunch of great people, done better in school than i have in my whole life, had some fun nights that turned into mornings, but i've also done some things I rather put in a box and throw in the ocean. Unfortunaly even if I could, day after day I would remember what i've done and am still doing. I heard in college your perspective about somethings may change, did that include morals? Maybe next year I'll look back at this post and laugh but what if i don't. I'm currently designing a tattoo including the Forget-Me-Not flower. I want to be remembered while i live and after i pass. But sometimes i wonder what am i going to be remembered for. Are my nieces and children gonna hear how hard I worked in school and how great my job was, or are they going to hear shameful whispers of my "behind closed door activities" ? Today I've been wondering, if a camera followed me everyday and played at my funeral, would i be more ashamed or proud? Im not sure what or how I'm gonna ensure I'm proud, but i know its by doing something greater than this.