Never Thought

As this year is wrapping up I've come to realize so many of my views have changed. I know that's part of the college contract. I wish i paid more attention, I didn't know my heart would be thrown into this life changing experience. In a few years girls look back at their HS and first years of college and laugh at the boys they worried over. I however never thought I'd be one of the girls stressing over a boy now. Im not complaining he doesn't call, or talk about his feelings. Im instead complaingin he does that too much...

Now before you look at me like im a brat, let me give you an inside look at my problem. When school first started I met him in my friends apartment and he asked me to hang out that afternoon. I watched him play flag football and he even let me wear his sweater because i was cold, and all that good lovely crap. That's him, never afraid of showing his emotions. Me on the other hand, it takes more like pulling teeth to get something of that caliber out of me. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend only weeks after meeting him, taken back is to say the least of how I felt. Naturally to me, I brushed it off and tried to pretend it never happened and I would address it when I was ready. That was Early November. December before our break, after spending almost everyday with him, I decided in my heart and mind I was ready to bring back up the whole "dating" thing. I just happen to stroll on his facebook to discover he recently gained a girlfriend. YES, a girlfriend who let me enforce, was not me. Now, because Im not afraid of confrontation when im not the one in the wrong, i pressed him that night.  Long story short hes made the easy decision, not the one he wanted, but the easy one. What ever the fuck that means. My problem, I still like him.
Question is: how do you talk to a guy with a girlfirend without being the other woman. And when did I turn into the girl that would even consider that?

Proud

Tonights my last night in Schuylkill Haven, before i get to go back home to New York. While packing my suitcase ever so happily im a little frustrated. One because I cant wait any longer to get the hell outta this town and two because a part of me feels like im running away.
Since starting college, i've met a bunch of great people, done better in school than i have in my whole life, had some fun nights that turned into mornings, but i've also done some things I rather put in a box and throw in the ocean. Unfortunaly even if I could, day after day I would remember what i've done and am still doing. I heard in college your perspective about somethings may change, did that include morals? Maybe next year I'll look back at this post and laugh but what if i don't. I'm currently designing a tattoo including the Forget-Me-Not flower. I want to be remembered while i live and after i pass. But sometimes i wonder what am i going to be remembered for. Are my nieces and children gonna hear how hard I worked in school and how great my job was, or are they going to hear shameful whispers of my "behind closed door activities" ? Today I've been wondering, if a camera followed me everyday and played at my funeral, would i be more ashamed or proud? Im not sure what or how I'm gonna ensure I'm proud, but i know its by doing something greater than this.